What does love look like? How do I trust this feeling that’s overcome me? Can I let me guard down and let love in?
The knots in my stomach that release butterflies, the fast pace pumping of my heart beat in my chest, the redness in my face, all take over this body when I receive the exchange of love. Most times I’m nervous other times I’m ecstatic, feeling the movements inside me stir up a bit of confusion. Not because I don’t deserve it but I’ve rarely seen it intertwined affectively.
Being fatherless leaves a gap in the knowing of what true love looks like. Being deprived of those core memories also lacking the meaningful lessons that only a father could give. I’m so guarded because since birth there was this emptiness that has no way of filling. No male role model, no father daughter bond, I wouldn’t say I lacked love I just have a hard time knowing how to receive it, scared that if I’m all in I may be hurt in the end. Fearing the sudden departure of what I’ve allowed in.
I’ve made the decision to romanticize my life, no more living in fear, no more being guarded to letting love in. I desire a life where I can love unapologetically and allow that same love to return back to me, understanding that life is a cycle that I have no true control over. What I can control is how I set the foundation for the looks of love in my life. It starts with me creating this shield of love that’s so contagious and vibrant that I have no need to be guarded anymore.
Creating the life of love as a fatherless woman, building up the life that I crave this way I know how to decipher those bodily feelings when I am met with love. It starts with me, self-love is the key, I’m excited to embark on this new journey: The Looks of Love !
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