Ever notice towards the end of your REM sleep, your body is slowly awakening, you actually can remember what’s going on in your dream. Mine was something with food a factory and a lot of confusion.
RING RING RING!
Quick turn, flips back blanket… it’s my Auntie from Florida. Instantly thoughts raced; what happened to my uncle I cut that thought short because why would my aunt from Florida be calling me about my uncle who’s up the block from me. Literally in a matter of one ring these thoughts rushed through my mind; oh snap the corona virus is our cruise cancelled, but it’s 5:24am that could of waited…
I finally slide my finger and stare my phone in its third eye taking a brief pause before saying “Hello, hi auntie,” at this point I’m plumped up by my left elbow just stuck looking at her name. A deep sob followed by a sniffle responded; now I’m as stiff as a statue…
“They stabbed my baby up!” “They stabbed up my baby”
Popping up “WHAT? Bobby?!”. She answered “Yes”…
The pain that rushed within me was delayed by my nurturing nature. I quickly tried to comfort my aunt in this moment. “This is her last baby, it can’t be, not the same way her first born was taken, this really can’t be, my aunt can’t handle this, no, why my aunt God?!”
I never mean to question God, it’s just a reaction you know. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason but this is too harsh for my Auntie, this family can’t get a break. Although I’m miles away I am slightly disappointed in myself. If I did everything I wanted to do to accomplish my main goal, to move my family out the hood, buying a big family house with the long dining table like grandma Trudy wanted. If I just would stop being so hard on myself I could actually protect my family like I want to, provide for them and create a whole 360 for the generations we have left. I can do it, I was birth to correct this family’s legacy. I know I was chosen, it’s within me, it is my desire.
Father I asked my sisters to pray for me, you know what they did, they prayed with me, they made sure I heard their words, they made sure to speak your name loud enough to move me and reassure me that you got my family covered. I am filled with a healing soul, you’ve provided me heart break after heart break so I could understand those I will heal, so I can really connect and reach them through my words and story, so I can identify with them. I did not feel rage for the first time I felt very much motivated to fulfill my purpose and stop asking for things that aren’t a priority right now. There’s a lot to be done and you mapped it out for me, I’m ready to take it all on.
Quick flight to the tip of the eastern coast, family is all I got, I’m glad I have friends turned sisters to rely on in these difficult times. Prayers Up, AMEN.