What a coincidence it is, today marks the 100th blog post of the year, I’m so proud of myself I really am but today also marks the day my father got killed, oh we can’t forget it’s Fatherless Friday. What a coincidence it is.
26 years ago today my family lost a warrior, at 18 he had an everlasting impact on everyone he came in contact with. There’s always some heartfelt story about how much of a stand up guy my father once was but that light has been divided in four and we can’t seem to shake the darkness that follows. I understand it’s important for us to know these things, to grasp the positive and reciprocate it but we’re standing at 26 years later and only one of us was physically here before his tragic death. Please explain how the hell can you heal four children from different upbringings who lost a common essential part of life or where the hell were you all when we were battling our empty voids ourselves?
Can you grasp it? Do you understand? I’m in a space of positivity but there’s things in life I will never understand. I don’t mean to offend anybody but there’s a very large part of my father that we weren’t able to get. I’m speaking from my point of view because even with the distance, we’re still siblings and I can feel it in me that we experience some of the same stress. All different but the same in a weird way. Wondering why me? Why my father? How will anybody ever understand?
The only reason I haven’t flipped out and lost it all together is because I feel him within me. I know I must move on with my life and not dwell on things I can’t change but if it were a younger me I’d openly express all the pain I’ve suppressed over all these years. Rather I’m focused on the power behind building his legacy and moving others who face similar battles. I’m into giving you raw emotions and my true feelings because for so long being an angry black girl was frowned upon, so I suppressed my anger but that is no longer.
This pain is real and it does not go away, I’m here to show you it’s easier when you have an outlet to vent and sort out your feelings, you’ll be able to co-exist with the disappointments and challenges of life. It’ll make you stronger and wiser better yet place you on a different frequency because you know what it means for everyone when your feelings take over, you don’t want that you just want the pain to be over. Find that outlet and create freely because you only know the true story behind your feelings.