The idea of marriage was always a blur for me. It seemed a bit much for me, at least the little knowledge I had of it.

I never wanted a sweet 16 either, now I see this may be connected to the absence of my father. No father daughter dance, I would never commit to anyone stepping in his place, it was never an option. So who would my future husband ask to take my hand?

I’ve struggled with the idea of marriage for many years. Senseless relationships had no happy ending. Until I was met with security, I eventually gave in and felt safe enough to consider the idea I completely shut down. I can finally visualize the happy ending, I see it clear. I was allowing my hurt to block the idea of a beautiful thing, I am more open to the possibilities. I know now that I must open up and accept love in it’s entirety.

I envision my brothers approving of the happy ending they see fit, I trust them this much. In place of my father I finally accept the idea of my brothers playing the big role as I am my brothers keeper, they are my protectors as my father would have been. There is more to me than just simply being a #FatherlessChild I see that now, I don’t have to lead with hurt I must lead with love. Isn’t that the concept of marriage any ways?

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